chris boring (doktor242) wrote,
chris boring

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pr0n! It's what's for dinner!

This is from San Francisco Gate writer Mark Morford's brilliant Morning Fix column, which you should all subscribe to.

== Attack Of The Killer Porn ==
Are you terrified of dirty sexy icky images? Time for BushCo's
Protection from Pornography Week
(By Mark Morford)

Pornography is bad. Way, way bad.

Porn is, in fact, icky bad gross blasphemous sacrilegious and totally
comedogenic, and looks awful with the couch and never ever calls, and
leaves the seat up, and never does the dishes, and Makes Mommy
resentful and Timmy cry and Daddy spend 14 hours a day glued to as he maxes out the family MasterCard on rubber-fetish
DVDs and nipple clips. This much everyone knows.

Thank goodness for BushCo. I mean, whew. That is to say, thank goodness
for BushCo's latest agitated cultural salvo, Protection from
Pornography Week</a>, which occurred just last week, in case you missed
it, coming hot on the heels of last month's gleefully homophobic and
hateful Marriage Protection Week, which safeguarded the timorous
beleaguered hetero American populace from the vile marauding hordes of,
you know, gay people in love.

Did you plan accordingly? Did you protect yourself from pornography and
hot porn DVDs and icky sticky stuff, and instead spend the week only
thinkin' 'bout Jesus and soft furry innocent bunnies and numb routine
missionary-position sex, all while blocking out all thoughts of raw
funky gasping thumping moaning fleshy things that go oooh in the night?
You did? Well, thank goodness.

After all, porn ruins families. And communities. And children. And
puppies. And the upholstery. This is the government line. This is what
they would like you to believe. This is why they invented Protection
from Pornography Week. Because you need to know They Care. They are on
guard. Because you, as always, are under attack.

Here is the message: Despite how porn is a multibillion-dollar,
record-breaking, insanely popular, widely accepted, gigglingly
discussed, generally harmless, often exceedingly sexy and fun and
unstoppable force of skin and fake orgasm and cheesy background music
and money shots and thrust thrust thrust, it doesn't really matter. It
is pure evil, they say. And it's coming for your children.

Unless, you know, it's not. Unless porn remains merely that beloved
slippery devil so reviled by every sanctimonious group in modern
history, that final frontier of bogus moralism and excessive alarmism
and puffed-chest indignation and oh my God who pray who will save the

Statistics are of little use over at the official government PPW site.
They do not talk about anything so frivolous as details, such as the
porn biz raking in upward of $12 billion per annum, which is more than
ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox combined. Or that the combined subscriber base of
Penthouse and Playboy exceeds that of Newsweek and Time. Or that more
money is spent on porn than on, say, church. Or the NFL. Or Starbucks.
Or socks.

They do not talk up the wild and ever-increasing popularity of this
visual and male-oriented and stupidly pleasing and admittedly very
one-dimensional, deliciously limited-but-fun form of entertainment.
They do not talk about how it is generally enjoyed by hundreds of
millions of people from all walks of life everywhere, priests and
dentists and schoolteachers and lawyers and college kids, couples and
virgins and teenagers and lesbians and motorcycle repairmen.

No, better to demonize it all. And better to zero in, naturally, on
children, and illegal child porn. Which is, obviously, very bad indeed
and all abusers of same should be strung up by their testicles and
covered in hot chili oil and left in the hot Florida sun. But kiddie
porn is also exceedingly, exceptionally minor, and uncommon, a tiny
illegal fraction of the larger legal industry that abhors it.

No matter. Kiddie porn, much like terrorism and gays and "partial
birth" abortion and paganism and gun control and anything else they can
think of, is a wonderfully convenient hot button to promote the GOP's
incredibly successful fear-based agenda. You know the one: Keep you
numb with dread, convinced you are always at high risk of being utterly
perverted or converted to homosexuality or of being mugged by swarthy
terrorists or maybe communist hippies, and they can get away with
anything. This is the GOP credo. And, sadly, it's working.

Look. Of course hardcore porn can be dangerous to young children. Or
course it can be overly explicit and hollow and is absolutely not for
kids or even certain priests. This is not an argument.

And of course the Net has helped put some truly nasty images in front
of millions of children's eyeballs, and there is very little parents
can do about it except deflect and restrict access and educate their
kids as best they can, and hope for the best.

But maybe there are other strains, other mutations of "porn" to be wary
of? Maybe there are other, far less regulated, more explicit
pornographies we might want to consider, raw and darkly titillating
forces hell-bent on soiling young minds and exploiting weakness and
numbing the human spirit? Like, say, the pornography of McDonald's
toxic foodstuffs. Or the Home Shopping Network. Or dead U.S. soldiers
in Iraq. Or mutilated bodies and naked writhing guns and Rumsfeld's
kinky black-eyed sneer.

Perhaps it's worth considering how children are eversoslightly more in
danger of having their burgeoning worldviews singed by witnessing yet
another Kraft Lunchables commercial or footage of another annihilated
U.S. helicopter or Karl Rove sucking the blood out of a live kitten?
Just a thought.

No no no. Porn -- the raw yummy sexual kind -- is just another
evildoer, according to the government. Just another pillaging army of
well-endowed hip-grinding badness determined to ruin your marriage and
corrupt your children and turn them into coke-sniffing
silicone-enhanced anal-sex sex freaks from L.A. who party way, way too
much with Ashton Kutcher and Tommy Lee.

This is the GOP way. You do not need education. You do not need
increased awareness or understanding of nuance or even more hot sex and
more informed and balanced ways to talk to your kids about some of the
gross moaning spurting stuff they might find on the Net, not to mention
on Fox News and CNN. You do not need information and intuition and

You need, as always, protection. This is the right-wing plan. You need
government safeguarding from the evildoers, from the Bad Things You
Clearly Do Not Understand. Much like Marriage Protection Week or
Saddam's nonexistent WMDs and Koran-inscribed nuclear warheads that are
right now aimed directly at your child's backyard swing set, or much
like crazy free-thinkin' liberals and those disgusting furriners and
them damn wimmin always wantin' to control their own bodies, you need
to be defended.

Be very afraid. This is what they love above all. Be fearful and
excessively concerned and vote via your sense of numb dread and
knee-jerk reactions and please, above all, do not use common sense, or
reason, or spiritual openness, or sexual awareness, and do not question
anything. There there now. The government is here. The big bad
pornography will not harm you anymore. Click here for happy clowns who
love Jesus. See? All better.

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