chris boring (doktor242) wrote,
chris boring

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what happened to you China? You used to be cool.

Everyone has one.. that one cousin they had a crush on, before they knew it was creepy to feel like that about your cousin. It was an innocent thing, before puberty hit you and your hormones screwed everything up. Usually that person is what you find yourself chasing your whole life, in spite of yourself. For me it was my third cousin Julie-Ann.

When I was 10 or 11, and I guess she was 17 or 18, she came to visit from Delaware. She had dyed black hair, combat boots and a Depeche Mode t-shirt. I remember thinking she was so cool I shouldn't even try to talk to her. Nearly every girl I have ever dated, or had a hopeless crush on has reminded me of her in some way or another.

I didn't see her for a decade or so, and during the interim, she was way ahead of me... she was going to Limelight and The Building when I was still a hopeless dweeb. She came in to visit again in '98, and me, Julie-Ann and thewretchedrein went to the city together. She bought drug paraphernalia and techno 12"s, and dropped names I didn't hear about for another year or two afterwards. I had outgrown the schoolboy crush I had, but I still thought she was the coolest girl I'd ever met.

I saw Julie-Ann for the first time in 5 years today. She's different. Settled down. A soccer mom. She's still sweet and all, but she's not the things I used to associate with her anymore. I'm glad that she's happy, and has a great kid, but a little bit of me is sad for the part of her that may be gone forever. And I wonder if one day that will be me. Will I toss my haujobb shirts in the closed for a sweater? Ditch my paratrooper boots for sensible brown oxfords? Carry a briefcase and start jogging?

The thought terrifies me.

Sara's birthday was fun! Great Thai food, and great company. In attendance: kingmob23, diamondbankman1, pale_moon_villa, Donna, Carrie and a bunch of Sara's friends I don't know so well. Good shit.

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